Warning: The following information is classified and intended only for those who wish to live if and when the undead rise. Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse will not be an easy feat and therefore, this post is not for the faint of heart.
Before we kick off with our insider tips, here is a quick introduction or "FAQ" post to subdue your eager thoughts and calm your nerves. (i know we said "the next post", but let's face it, everyone lies about timing on the internet).
We must tell you now, this may be the most important thing you will ever read in your entire life (which may be short unless you stick around for the next few posts. (sorry to be so blunt, friends, but it's a harsh world))
So, without further ado, here are some quick answers to your burning questions:
1. Are Zombies really THAT bad?? Warm Bodies shows their soft, kind, human side/Warm Bodies makes them look hot/I read on the internet that they'd be super cool/It would be fun to be on the winning side/ANY VARIATION OF SUPPORT...
stop. just stop right there.
Looking past the fact that Warm Bodies is completely romanticised and the main character, "R" looks like this:
Whilst your average, every day, non-movie-star zombie would look like this:
We assure you, we have your best interests at heart. Not to mention the whole future of the human race on our mind..
If there was any way to join the zombies, we would allow it. However, it's just not that simple.
2. Will there even be a zombie apocalypse? *angsty teenager side eye roll*
OBVIOUSLY! IT IS SO LOGICAL AND MAKES COMPLETE SENSE.
(Scientifically, viruses are mutating at ridiculous rates and in incredible ways. Because of this, it is possible for an army of people who are brain dead to walk the Earth. They just wouldn't be officially 'dead', per se)
Here is a video of proof!!! We all know everything on YouTube is real, therefore, Zombies are real.
Over and Out.
3. Should I be scared?
Always.
Just kidding! As Hermione Granger once said
Wow, she really is the brightest witch of her age.But her words are perfect in this instance!
Soon, you will have read and perfected the art of overcoming the zombies, therefore fear is useless.
Hopefully this settles your stomachs a little bit. See you soon for the commencement of our insider tips to surviving the zombie apocalypse!
We assure you, we have your best interests at heart. Not to mention the whole future of the human race on our mind..
If there was any way to join the zombies, we would allow it. However, it's just not that simple.
2. Will there even be a zombie apocalypse? *angsty teenager side eye roll*
OBVIOUSLY! IT IS SO LOGICAL AND MAKES COMPLETE SENSE.
(Scientifically, viruses are mutating at ridiculous rates and in incredible ways. Because of this, it is possible for an army of people who are brain dead to walk the Earth. They just wouldn't be officially 'dead', per se)
Here is a video of proof!!! We all know everything on YouTube is real, therefore, Zombies are real.
Over and Out.
3. Should I be scared?
Always.
Just kidding! As Hermione Granger once said
Wow, she really is the brightest witch of her age.But her words are perfect in this instance!
Soon, you will have read and perfected the art of overcoming the zombies, therefore fear is useless.
Hopefully this settles your stomachs a little bit. See you soon for the commencement of our insider tips to surviving the zombie apocalypse!
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